Adam Pally Got Suspended From Middle School... Because Of His Bar Mitzvah
The night before Adam Pally’s bar mitzvah, his rabbi had some major concerns. Pally was so “unenthusiastic” about his chanting during his service rehearsal that the rabbi wasn’t sure if he was serious enough to pull off the ceremony. But Pally’s mother took matters into her own hands. “She took me to the mall and we went to this hot pretzel stand where you could get different cream cheeses to dip the pretzels in. I was kind of a chubby kid so I only got that for special occasions,” Pally tells me. “Then she took me to Sam Goody and she was like, ‘Pick out any three CDs you want.’ At the end she was like, ‘Did you have a nice night? I did this because I love you and I am begging you if you want me to have a nice night [tomorrow], actually try on your bar mitzvah.’”
Pally obliged, politely chanting along to the Hebrew and ultimately crushing his Torah portion speech. But that doesn’t mean everything went off without a hitch. Pally’s theme was “alternative rock and hip hop,” and as a party favor he handed out a bunch of ill-fated mixtapes. “The Monday after my bar mitzvah I was suspended for a week because the last song on the mixtape was Rage Against The Machine’s ‘Killing in the Name’ and the song has really long outro [that says] ‘Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me,’” the comedian explains. “At the time I was going to a Hebrew day school and that was the beginning of the end of my time at Solomon Schechter in West Orange, because throughout the rest of that year I did a bunch of things that had gotten me expelled.”
Below, the former Happy Endings star reflects on his bar mitzvah — his first French kiss included.
Pally playing a bar mitzvah hype man in the hit series, Happy Endings.
On his Jared Leto-like locks:
I had this crazy, curly fro that looked like like Phil Spector or something. And on the day of my bar mitzvah, my mom blew my hair out because it was so unruly and I refused to get it cut. She sat me down in her bathroom and my dad was cracking up while my sisters were screaming. She put all of this fucking gel and mousse in it. It was parted down the middle like Jared Leto in My So-Called Life and I was able to tuck it behind my ears like I was Kurt Cobain, so I was happy. (I mean like a fat, chubby Jewish kid [version].) Later on I put in like a man bun. I was like, “This is the shit!”
On crushing his Torah portion:
The moment that I was really stoked about was that you got to give a speech after you did the chanting. It was kind of my first stand-up set. I remember my first joke, but not the exact wording and phrasing. I think it was something along the lines of, “I’d like to thank my parents for putting up with me and my sisters for putting up with my parents” or some play on that. I got an enormous laugh and it changed the scope of everything. I was like, “Oh that’s what I’m going to channel all of this energy into.”
On scoring his first French kiss:
I’m pretty sure I had my first French kiss at a bar mitzvah. It was definitely outside my temple in the cold. Not to be too big mouth or graphic about it but I remember it being one of the earliest times as a dude that I had to deal with getting an erection. I remember that being like a big mental negotiation for me like, “How do I deal with this?” I’m pretty sure I tucked it under the belt. I wasn’t going to like walk away [from the kiss] so you’ve gotta tuck it under that belt with your hand in your pocket without anyone being like, “What the hell are you doing?”
On causing chaos on the bar mitzvah circuit:
I got in trouble in the middle of it. I set a centerpiece on fire at someone’s bar mitzvah. There was a big centerpiece with a bunch of candles and I was like fucking around and putting the coasters on top of the candles. Then they called the whole grade up to light their candle during the candle lighting ceremony and I went up there and by the time I came back the centerpiece was engulfed in flames. They called the fire department and they made my mom come and pick me up. When they blew it out with the fire extinguisher I was like, “Goodnight everybody!”
On what his 13-year-old self would think of his comedy career:
It’s taken a lot of therapy to answer [what I was like at 13] succinctly. Both of my parents worked and I don’t think I lacked attention, but I think I didn’t have an outlet for what I was interested in at that time. So it caused a lot of misguided acting out. I was super artsy and I really wanted the time and investment of people. I was obsessed with comedy and I would fake illnesses to watch Saturday Night Live all day. I think a lot of my misguided rage and need for attention came from that. So if I told my 13-year-old self what I’m doing [now] he’d be like, “I won the lottery!”
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Another great one!